The Jungle in My Yard

"I think that plant ate one of the puppies!"

If there’s one thing yesterday’s outdoor photo session with the puppies brought to my attention, it is the abysmal state of my gardens.

Look, I admit that I am not what could be described as a ‘green thumb’. ‘Sickly beige with bugs on it’ would be closer to the truth, or maybe just ‘Rotten black thumb of plant doom’.

Beyond that, there’s the fact that I just DO NOT have a freakin’ clue what to do with the back garden.

Let me break it down for you.

We have a patio area, which is divided off from our pool. Bumping up against the fence is an area which should, apparently, look like a nice section of landscaped greenery, to provide contrast to the concrete patio area.

Instead, thanks to my ‘hands off’ approach to gardening, it looks like a tangled jungle, consisting mostly of hideously huge dandelion plants and mutant thistles the size of small trees. If a puppy went in there, I’d expect a plant to swallow him whole.

So, I need a suggestion – I still want some greenery there, but I want something LOW maintenance. Some green space for the pups, but nothing that will slowly crawl towards the house, kudzu like, threatening to block up the windows.

Any ideas? Also, can you blow torch a garden? Because those thistles have started making growling noises at the dogs when they venture out there, and all the organic, pet friendly weed killer in the world is not going to dissuade those babies from wreaking vengeance on us all.