Tag Archive for: meme

Kijiji is sort of a glossier version of Craigslist, an updated, on line version of the Buy N Sell newspapers and Pennysavers. Owned by eBay, it (unlike smarter and more politically attuned Craiglist) allows live animal sales ads, and it is chock full of puppeez for sail ads.

Here are thirteen questions that occurred to me after reading through Kijiji puppy for sale ads…

For sail..Daxshund / Shizoo / Dalmashun / Puddle / Mastife Puppy

If you’re going to breed, shouldn’t one of the very basic things you know about the dogs be how to spell their proper breed name?

Comes with papers. Has papers. Papered. Extra if you want papers

Papers, papers, papers. Every other freakin’ ad talks about papers – although what kind of papers, exactly, we don’t know for sure. Newspapers? Mongrel Association of America papers? Wallpapers? Who knows. Who cares?

“linebreeded mother to father has show chance”

Line breeded? Mother to father? What in holy hell are they thinking?

Oh, right. They’re not thinking – they’re just turning them loose in the yard and hoping for a litter. Which they got. And ‘show chance’? Sure, why not? I bet they take the Gardens next year.

After all, nothing says “Best in Show potential” like an in bred litter of yard raised dawgs.

“Yorkiepoos – Super cute! 6 weeks old ready to go home with you! “

What?

No! No, they not ready to go home at six weeks old. They’re not ready to go anyplace, not even to the vet’s for their first shots.

Oh, but there’s me, assuming you’re selling them with shots. Not a chance, is there?

“Imported French Bull pups from champion line”

French Bull pups? Is this some sort of weird Charolais/canine hybrid? Because otherwise, we’re back to that question up top about not selling or breeding what you cannot spell.

And speaking of French Bull pups for sale ads…

“Imported European lined French Bulldogs. We import from Europe, as this ensures healthy pets”

Really? All I’ve needed to be doing all these years in order to insure healthy, genetically sound French Bulldogs is import them from Europe? Just any old place, and any old breeder, and they’ll magically be sound, healthy dogs? Wow, that’s way easier than all the pesky health testing I’ve been doing.

I suppose all those sick, temperamentally unsound adult European imports that keep turning up at rescue are just anomalies or something.

“Adorable Frenchtons – Boston and French Bulldog cross pupps!!”

Why, why, why? Why do this? Frenchies have health problems. Bostons have health problems. Why combine them into one seething morass of potential issues. Plus, just – why? If you like Bostons, get a Boston. If you like Frenchies, get a Frenchie. Just pick one, dammit, don’t screw up two breeds at once.

“Trendy adorable Puggles for sale!”

See above, plus – What’s the point of this?

Here we have a Pug.

Small, wrinkled, flat faced, snuffly, cute, dim witted. Adorable, too, of course – I love Pugs, black ones in particular, but they are a creature as far apart from a hunting breed as you can get.

There we have a Beagle.

Compact, athletic, muscular, bred to run, bred to bay, bred to scent, bred to hunt (but not much else).

Combine the two, and what do you get?

The puggle – a mixture of the worst from both.

First off, they’re ugly. Sorry, but it’s true. This is one F.U.G.L.Y. cross breed. Also, congratulations – now you’ve got a dog that wants to run away from home, but is too stupid to figure out how to get back. Pointless as a lap dog, worthless as a hunting dog, and soon to overwhelm rescues and shelters across North America.

Oh, and here’s one to make Terrierman‘s head explode – that would be a “Jug puppy” – that’s a cross between a Jack Russel, and a Pug.

Why would someone (sane) do this, you ask? Because the offspring will apparently be “HEALTHY LIKE JACK RUSSELL AND CUTE LIKE PUG”.

Or so the ad said, at least.

“Pure breaded Golden Retriver”

It’s breaded? You rolled it in bread crumbs and deep fried it? Oh, you meant pure bred. Now we just need to figure out what the hell a retriver is. Oh, you mean Retriever…

“Pure breaded (ahem) Doberman stud dog. Can breed to any bitch. $200 or pick of the litter”

No mention of testing, titles or temperaments – how could anyone say no to using this dapper fellow on their bitch? Plus, you get to do all the work of whelping and raising the puppies, then hand him over your ‘pick’. And so the cycle continues.

“For saile lovely large Cane Corso mastiff girl, she is very nice tempered and a good gaurd. Needs space to roam. Loves our kids. Will trade for Jack Rusel or other small dog. “

Wonderful. You are giving away your ‘roaming’, intact Cane Corso bitch. First off, why does it need space to ‘roam’? Is it a gypsy (sorry, Romany) Corso? Does it have ‘wandering feet’? It doesn’t need to roam – it needs a securely fenced yard.

And of course you want to get another dog, and have chosen the JRT, a dog that most sane and above average pet owners aren’t equipped to deal with, let alone an irresponsible goof like you.

Plus, nice lesson to teach the kids – when we tire of our toys, we throw them away and get new ones.

“TeaCup Yorkies/Poms/Poodles/Doxies”

Teacup? Is that the code word du jour for ‘will have life long health problems’ or ‘is hydrocephalic’? One thing it certainly is code for, for sure – bad breeder.

“Cute, adorable, non shedding Frenchie pups!”

Cute? yes. Adorable? absolutely. Non shedding? Did you shave them bald? Are you blind? Do you not see the floating, house wide cloud of fine hairs they leave in their wake, and on your clothes? Have you ever looked under your furniture?

Non shedding? Please, share your secret formula with me, the one that gets you magically non shedding Frenchies, because last week I spent two hours outside using the Furminator on my dogs, and there’s a pile of undercoat out there the size of a LabradoodleMastifeRetriver.