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Fun With French Bulldog Scammers – Part Two

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| Read part one of ‘Fun with Scammers’ |

So, when last we left our Nigerian scammer, he was apologizing for having inadvertently trying to sell me the same puppies a second time. Since I am both kind and forgiving, I sent him the following reply —

Dearest James –

I am sorry if I seemed harsh in my last email. It wasn’t on purpose. I am just sad because the insurance company finally sent me the check for my husband’s horrible combine related fatality, and for my arms being all chopped up. Now I can finally bury him, and get myself some of them wooden arm prospectives. So now I have money galore, just oodles of it, but still no teeny tiny French Bully Dogs, and no man around the house to kill bugs and such.

Thank goodness I still have the baby Jesus and his mom.

Are you sometimes sad too, James? Do you miss your wife? I bet you killed a lot of bugs for her, just like a real man should. I still want to buy your little French Bully Dogs but are you not going to miss them and be sadder? Maybe you should keep them. I don’t want you to be lonely just like me.

Maybe I shouldn’t send you my bank information. I have to pray on this.

Yours in lonely love of God

James is nothing if not chivalrous, and he got back to me within 24 hours –

Hello dearest one

Please dont be sad, as I am said I am your friend and a good christan like you. Yes I am lonley and will miss my puppys but I know you will love them like me. SO dear one please send your bank information to me as you said I know god would want this. For he doesnt want you lonley. Also maybe I can be more a special friend to you and maybe even marry? If you would like that? I would need money to come there I am not ILLINOIS yet but still here doing god’s work where my wife died. So I would need you send me some money to bring myself and my puppys to you.

Please send me

Your name:————————
Your Address:———————-
Your Day phone#:——————–
Nearest Airport:———————-
I will then need banking informtations as well.

warmest love,

James

Oh, swoony swoon! Now James needs money to send himself to me, along with the puppies! He wants to be my bug killing, combine avoiding husband.

I smell true love, or at any rate, something strong and stinky..

Dearest Jamesy Love Bunny,

My heart is finally full. I am so happy! We can be together – you and me and the puppies too! I will have a HUSBAND and some teeny tiny French Bully Dogs! Oh, God and Baby Jesus really DO love me! I was starting to wonder. I have to admit – I had started looking into becoming a Buddhist or something, because God just wasn’t coming through.

But now – go God!

I have always had a dream of being a Missionary’s wife, ever since I saw the wonderful movie called End of the Spear (except I don’t want you to die). How about I come there? I can sell my house and bring me and all my suitcases full of money there. We can be happy together. I love you. Do you love me?

Love you and God!

Uh oh, looks like James is getting fed up with me. Poor guy just wants me to send him $400, and now he’s got some crazy woman wanting to move to Nigeria. What gives? ‘Just send me the money, dammit’, you can almost hear him thinking.

My dearest

I am need to know now if you are serious about my puppys. I am not staying here for my mission work as I am tell you I am coming Illionios now for my working. Are you even serois now are not??? I am thinking yuou are just playing with me and now soon after my wife has died. I can come there but needing you to send me as the information I am ask!! Please send on to me finally now or I know you are not serios ever again!!!

Please send me

Your name:————————
Your Address:———————-
Your Day phone#:——————–
Nearest Airport:———————-
I will then need banking informtations as well.

still warmest love your friend,

James

James, James. You get angry, and all your nice guy routine goes right out the window, buddy. Isn’t the first rule of scamming to know when to quit and walk away?

James,

I think we are wrong for each other. I don’t think you are meant to be my bug killing husband hero after all. I have prayed on this and God has spoken to me and told me to go and endow a Buddhist monastery with my buckets full of money.

Unless you are willing to convert, and spend at least five years in a retreat with me, where we can contemplate life and the concept of karma, this just isn’t going to work out. An armless converted crazy Christian Buddhist and a Nigerian scammer just have too much going against them.

Whenever the winds cries in the trees, I’ll hear it speaking your name. It will sound like …”Puppy scammer, puppy scammer…”.

Adieu, my sweet.

Nothing since then, but I know James is still out there, trying to sell his phantom puppies, dreaming of the armless woman who could have been his wife.

I hope the thought of what he’s lost makes him sad…

Read Part One

Fun With French Bulldog Scammers – Part One

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Like everyone else on the world wide interwebs, I’ve received my fair share of ‘Millionaire wants to give you his money’ and ‘Say, can I send you a $20,000 check for that $2,000 puppy?’ emails. I just mark them as spam, and delete them, since there’s not much payoff in playing with them, and answering them usually just gets your name and email address put on to a ‘try this gullible knucklehead’ list.

That said, few things piss me off more than phantom puppy scammers – those evil jerks who invent cheap puppies that they ‘must sell’ due to death in the family, or their ‘missionary’ work in Africa. Yes, I know that they prey on the cheap – but they also prey on the naive, and those who truly do want to do some good.

So, with time on my hands and a chip on my shoulder, I was in just the right mood when the following email came to my inbox –

Hello there

My name is mr James Blue i want to use this oppourtunity to inform you that i do have some bulldog 2 female and two male available for sale at the price of $400 and i want you to know that due to my new job i am very busy so i am looking for someone to buy them and who will take care of them as i always do,show them love and each of them cost $400 including shipping fee.They are AKC registered, Age 7-8 weeks old, they weighed 3-4lbs ,healthy and their shots are given up to date.All their papers will accompany them and will be shipped along with each of them. I am on a business trip right now because I just secured a new job here in ILLINOIS and i have to take the puppies along with me since my Wife died and i have moved out due to my new job and transfer to ILLINOIS and the puppies are here with me, so if you are still interested I can arrange for the shipping from here thought a shipping agent to Delivery to your nearest airport or home and they will be shipped along with all their

bath and toys,food sample,and dog kits. Also email me the follow details below for delivery purpose.

Your name:————————
Your Address:———————-
Your Day phone#:——————–
Nearest Airport:———————-
Await your response.
Regards.
James

My first response –

WOW, this sounds super. Why not send me a photo of them? I’d really be interested. Are they black and tan ones? I love black and tan ones most of all, don’t you?

Gosh, so sorry about your wife. That’s terrible. Were they her dogs? How did she die? Do you live in Illinois? I love Illinois. I might move there, and then we can be friends! I will pray for you and for your dogs. Do you think we could be friends?

Your friend,

Carol

James apparently does want to be my friend. Yay for friends! And look, he sent me pictures.

Hello,


Thanks for your interest in my puppies, i do have 2 female and 1 male French bulldog and i want to inform you that i have attach the pic of the available French bulldog for sale, due to my job i am very busy so i am looking for someone who will buy them and take care of them as i always do,show them love and each of them cost $400 including shipping fee.They are AKC registered, Age 7-8 weeks old, they weighed 1.5-1.8lbs, healthy and their shots are given up to date.All their papers will accompany them and will be shipped along with each of them. I am on a business trip right now because I just secured a new job here in Illinois and i have to take the puppies along with me since my Wife had died and i have moved out due to my new job and transfer to Illinois ,so if you are still interested I can arrange for the shipping from here via next day Delivery to your home and they will be shipped along with all their bath and a brand new crates, toys,food sample,and dog kits.

Also email me the follow details below for delivery purpose.

Your name:————————
Your Address:———————-
Your Day phone#:——————-
Nearest Airport:——————–

Await your response.

Here are the photos James attached to this email –

tan.jpg diamond.jpg tipsy.jpg

Do you get the impression James is not trying overly hard to fool me?

Either that, or he’s too stupid to realize that not even someone as dumb as I’m try ever so hard to seem could mistake that black masked fawn boy for a seven week old puppy.

And 1.8 pounds? At seven weeks? Jeez, if you’re trying to get a total stranger on the interwebs to send you some money, you’d think you could at least be bothered to do some basic research. If there’s anything I hate more than a scammer, it’s a lazy ass scammer.

At any rate, here’s my response –

Wow, those are really cute puppies. That Diamond sure is big for seven weeks! I guess the camera really does add a few pounds. About the other two – 1.8 pounds at seven weeks! How exciting! Are they those rare miniature French Bulldogs, the ones who stay tiny all the time? It would be super if they are! I would pay WAY more than $4oo for some super tiny ones.

But, I’m being rude here – how are you doing? It must be hard with your wife dead. I am praying for you and your cute dogs super hard. I want to be your friend. We could pray together! I lost my husband, too. He fell in our combine. I tried to pull him out, but the combine ate my arms. Sometimes I think baby Jesus has a hate on for me. But I keep praying!

I think you can be my new friend. I won’t ever let you near the combine, if you become my friend. Just in case.

Tell you what, I’ll come there and pick the dogs up. I think you said you’re in Illinois? I’ll be there next week! Is it OK if I bring you cash? Ever since I lost my arms in that combine accident it’s hard for me to fill out credit card forms. Or you could just bring them here and we could go to my bank together and get the money out. I trust you, because you are my friend. Maybe I should just send you my bank information.

Yours in the Lord!

Well, here’s where it gets interesting. James suddenly sends me another email, identical to his very first one. This time, he signs it ‘Eliot’.

I respond with –

Eliot! Why are you trying to sell James’s puppies? YOU MUST BE SOME SORT OF SCAMMER! James already said I can buy those puppies! I hate you and so does Baby Jesus you scammer! I am going to write to James and tell on you RIGHT NOW! I am not sending James any money until this is all straightened out!

God bless.

Haha! Poor James. It’s hard juggling all those multiple email accounts and names, and making sure you don’t try to double scam the same sucker (that would be me).

Conciliatory, he responds almost immediately with –

Hello my friend,


So sorry for this mistake which I am vry saddned by and want to let you know not to fear this is my brother is also trying to help with the selling of the puppiues for me. He made a mistake and ia am just to tell you not to be sad dear. I am still your friend and want very much for you to buy these puppie from me. Which includes crate papers toys bath etc in exchange for you to love them just like I am. I can send the puppie to you for $400 eah from ILLUIONOIS as soon as sending Western Unoin payment.

Also please still email me the follow details below for delivery purpose.

Your name:————————
Your Address:———————-
Your Day phone#:——————-
Nearest Airport:——————–

Await your response, your friend James.

Awww! He called me dear!

| Read Part Two of Fun With Scammers |