My Christmas Wish List
Dear Santa Claus:
I know you’re really busy this time of year, what with the last minute gathering of the gifts, and the packing of the sleigh. I don’t want to take up much of your time, and, even if I did, I’m not sure how much attention you’d pay to the wish list of a non believing ethnic atheist Jew. That said, if you have some spare time, could you look over my wish list and see if there’s anything you can do?
I’d really appreciate it.
Thanks in advance,
Carol
My Wish List
I wish that not one single dog, whether Frenchie or Lab or Doodle or any other breed, is spending their Christmas in a cage that looks like this one.
I wish that there was some kind of deity who could give the people who operate puppy mills the kind of punishment they deserve.
I wish that every politician who allowed legislation to pass saying that this much space is legal was forced to spend just one night in a cage that gives them ‘adequate room for exercise’.
I wish that every single stupid celebrity who bought a throw-away puppy from a pet shop was forced to visit the puppy mill where their dog’s parents still live. While there, I want them to actually see the bitch who gave birth to their puppy. Then, I wish on her the gift of speech, so she could curse them to hell (using small words that even Britney and Paris could understand).
I wish that every single Pit Bull in the world could have a home as good as the Pit Bulls of Bad Rap.
For every Sophie in the world, I wish for soft beds, warm laps, cookie stuffed kongs, soft words of kindness, people who care, and the chance to spend the remainder of their lives living in dignity and compassion.
I wish that pet stores would finally be banned from selling live animals, including bunnies.
I wish all of the K Kids have safe, happy trips to their new homes, and that there’s no longer a reason for dogs like Cosette to need French Bulldog Rescue.
I wish that the stupid, ridiculous, pointless, ‘Dangerous Dog‘ legislation here in Ontario, and all over the world, could be over turned, so that legislation based on pragmatic reality could instead be introduced.
Most of all, I wish for the basics we all ask for – peace on earth, and good will towards men – and animals. Can we not forget the animals this year?
How to spend a Saturday
How was your weekend? Really? That good? Awesome. Mine was the typical, obsessed, dog breeder’s weekend.
Here’s a re-cap.
How A Dog Breeder Spends Her Saturday
Get in car, drive three hours, cross border. When asked ‘Purpose of visit?’ contemplate answering ‘Picking up pregnant dog’, decide against it, answer ‘Shopping’, instead.
Drive two more hours, arrive at meet up location. Consider how correct Barb was in suggesting that an outlet mall, two weekends before Christmas, might not be ideal as a meeting spot. Shrug, buy and drink fourth coffee of day, and thank God for Starbucks.
Meet Barb, get Mae and assorted dog supplies, get back in car, drive back to border again, with quick stop at Walmart to pick up vacuum and snow shovel. Don’t even bother lying to border guard when he asks you purpose of trip. Watch border guard’s eyes glaze over as you explain the complexities of co ownership. Drive away amazed he let you bring $150 worth of electronics back without charging you duty.
Grab more coffee, stretch legs, let Mae out to pee, get back on road to face three hour trip home from border.
Notice that gas tank is almost on empty, and boyfriend seems to feel no rush to fill up. Feel eyes glazing over as he explains that the ‘e’ light actually means car can make it another 50 kilometers or more. Feel horror mounting as boyfriend smugly recaps recent 20-20 show confirming that ‘e’ light is warning, then anger growing as idiot boyfriend mentions website where people (all guys, you are sure) recount how far they made it with their cars on ‘e’. Tell boyfriend in graphic detail what kind of bodily harm you will inflict on him if he even thinks about driving on empty while you and pregnant dog are in car with him.
Notice that it’s snowing, curse. Loudly.
Watch boyfriend drive past gas station because he ‘doesn’t like their gas’. Contemplate hitting him with shovel after he tells you that gas is so different at different stations (unlike shoes, which are all the same) which is a clear analogy to your preference for shoes from Browns instead of Payless. Explain quality of shoes to him and how important manufacturing process and materials are, unlike gas, which all comes from same squished up prehistoric gunk. Reach for shovel when he rolls eyes.
Find ‘acceptable’ gas station, fill up car, let Mae our for another pee, get back on road.
Notice it’s snowing more heavily, curse. Even more loudly.
Drive two hours in zero visibility. Contemplate just why on earth you have a Chipmunks Christmas song on your iPod. Twice.
Pick up fast food, let Mae out for another pee, eat fast food in car.
Arrive home, discover dogs have knocked down baby gate and have gone on Texas Chainsaw massacre style pee fest in upstairs of house. Remind yourself that you meant to pick up paper towels while you were out.
Wrangle dogs, clean up pee, crate dogs, arrange Mae in quiet room.
Visit Bunny and puppies, discover Bunny has eaten corners off of box spring, christen her ‘DumbDumb Bubblegum’ for her habit of chewing everything in sight. Clean up ten gazillion puppy poos and pees. Wonder why you don’t just have cats.
Get boyfriend to feed dogs while you’re tending to Bunny and kids. After feeding, he puts stopper in sink so he can soak bowls. Boyfriend notices pee on floor, goes to clean up, gets distracted, probably by contemplation on whether its possible to drive to Florida on quarter tank of gas.
Forget about running sink.
Hear boyfriend screaming, discover forlorn dogs watching flood waters rising towards crates. Giggle, but internally only.
Clean up dog room floor, using towels, because you forgot to buy paper towels, dammit dammit dammit.
Put in laundry.
Contemplate trading dogs for cats. Small, quiet cats. Stuffed cats, from Steiff.
Head for bed, leaving boyfriend surfing tankonempty.com
Throw shoe at his head.
Snow, snow, snow – and puppies
Well, we’ve had our first real snowfall – that snow that isn’t going anywhere, at least not until spring. Sean spent a good two hours outside shovelling out the dog runs and walkways. See? Boyfriends can be useful!
I also took some new pix of the Bunny pups, including a few of Dexter, the puppy formerly known as Nigel. I wanted to name him 
, but Barb outvoted me.
There’s also a photo in there of Mae, who is as big as a house, and not very happy about it. A week to go at the most, Mae Mae! Hang in there!
Here are a few of the photos, or click here to see them full sized on Flickr.