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I missed Thursday Thirteen last week, because of the power outages and the need to write a long-ass update on the puppies. This week, I cheated and lifted part of my movie list from French Bulldog Z. Here’s a list of 13 movies that have French Bulldogs in them. Please note that I’ve chosen movie titles based on no particular criteria, and their inclusion should not be taken to indicate that I think they’re worth watching (other than for the scenes with the Frenchies in them).

 

1. At First Sight
The basic premise – blind boy meets girl, blind boy regains site and possibly loses girl.. but who cares about all of that? There’s only one good reason for getting this video, and we’re NOT going to tell you what it is. OK, we’ll give you a hint – it involved (gasp of shock!) a French Bulldog. No, don’t beg – we’re not giving the rest of it away. After all, if the rest of us had to sit through this yawner to get to the good stuff, so do you…

2. Wigstock – The Movie
We might be stretching it by including this title, but we did promise to include even those movies giving us just a ‘glimpse of’ Frenchies, right? Besides, this is a great movie, featuring footage of the 10th Annual Wigstock in New York. Plenty of fun, and some really, really big hair. Invite over some friends, pop this in the DVD player, and offer fabu prizes to the first person to spot the Frenchie. It’s more fun if you make all your friends wear wigs, though (or better still, full drag)

3. Babe – Pig in the City
I really, really liked the first Babe movie. Pigs, dogs, sheep — what’s not to like? But this one? – I just could NOT stomach that scene with the Bull Terrier. I came really close to walking out of the cinema. Mind you, that’s just one scene, and the rest of the movie is as cute as a button. Look for the French Bulldog in front of the Parisian Cafe…

4. Grease
Great musical with some memorable song and dance numbers, but most notable to Frenchie fans for the bizarrely Frenchie filled carnival scenes near the end of the movie. The prop department must have bought up literally every ugly, chalkware French Bulldog carnival prize in North America to stock these scenes. A chilling of example of when good collectibles go bad.

5. Titanic
The brief glimpse of a brindle Frenchie being loaded onto the ship, and later walked on the steerage class deck, was inspired by the historical French Bulldog which was on board the Titanic. Director James Cameron thankfully cut the scene where the dog struggles in the water after the ship’s sinking, but it’s apparently included in the DVD edition. I’ll pass on that, thank you

6. Monkey Bone
Deservedly fast-forgotten flick features a mix of claymation, animation and live action, and takes place in the mind of a comatose animator. Whatever. It sucked, and went pretty well straight to video. There are a few shots of Whoopi Goldberg as death, clutching a French Bulldog as some sort of minion, a la Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies, I suppose.

7. Armageddon
Watch for the cream Frenchie in the opening few minutes of this popular (if somewhat over done) outer space action adventure video.His shenanigan’s on the set of “The Rock” (another movie his owner actor Brendan Kelly starred in) made director Michael Bay decide to put him in this film. You can see ‘Frankie’ in his own flick below, on the Short Six collection.

8. ‘Franky Goes to Hollywood’
From the BillyBob database: ‘Imagine you are Brendan Kelly, working actor. You’ve starred in the TV series OZ, and films like MALCOLM X, THE ROCK, CON AIR, CLOCKERS, etc. So one day, Michael Bay calls you at home with a hot work offer in his latest flick . . . for your dog! “What a laugh I had,” Kelly recalled, “but as long as someone in the family’s working, who cares?”

Adopted by Kelly when he was visiting Paris, Franky got to chew on Godzilla, and Brendan made this 12-minute black and white flick with some of the cast. Watch it if, for no other reason, than to howl with laughter when Franky attacks some balloons and watches the costs get taken out of his per diem. Steve Buscemi seems mighty obsessed about Franky’s per diem.’

The only way that I’ve been able to find to actually see this short – which won best short documentary at the Brooklyn Film Festival – is on the collection “Short Six”. It’s worth it, even if the rest of the shorts are on the theme of ‘insanity’..

9. The Shaggy Dog
Amazon sez: Tim Allen barks, growls, and slobbers his way through the latest remake of the classic Disney suburban fable The Shaggy Dog. A mystical long-lived dog is kidnapped from Tibet by a nefarious corporation; when it escapes, it bites aspiring District Attorney Dave Douglas (Allen, The Santa Clause, Toy Story), who finds himself regressing into a dog in the courtroom. There’s more to the plot–something to do with creating a youth serum from the dog’s blood–but let’s face it, that’s not what anyone’s going to see the movie for..

That’s right – because what they’re really interested in is the fact that one of Tim’s neighbours has a Frenchie. This one is fun for you, and the kids. Or so I’m told. Plus, it has Robert Downey and Jane Curtain in it.

10. Garden State
I don’t usually get worked up about movies, but in this case I’m making an exception. Unless you’re a complete and utter philistine, you will immediately run out and rent and/or purchase this movie. Why? Here’s why:

A) it has a kick ass cast & plot
B) it has, for one brief and shining moment, a scene which showcases a nice little cream male Frenchie doing one of the disgusting things that nice little un neutered cream male Frenchies do.

11. Bringing Down the House
City slicker lawyer meets street wise ex con, as played by Queen Latifah. And yet again – ho hum, although not to the same extent as Second Hand Lions. After all, there’s no creepy 6th Sense kid in this one to freak you out. Best of all, you get lots more shots of the pied cutie from Second Hand Lions, this time as a spoiled Frenchie appropriately named Shakespeare, and looking quite dapper in his ruffed Elizabethan collar. Actually, this movie is pretty funny, with Eugene Levy as one of the highlights. And look – the Frenchie made it onto the DVD box!

12. Secondhand Lions
Here’s what amazon.com says about it: “If you can get past its thick layer of syrup and molasses, Secondhand Lions reveals itself as a thoroughly decent family film that anyone can enjoy. It gets a little sappy sometimes, but there’s something to be said for a movie in which Michael Caine and Robert Duvall play eccentric old brothers who take the easy approach to fishing: instead of a peaceful rod and reel, they use 12-gauge shotguns”. But who cares about all of that? There are tons of shots of an incredibly cute pied Frenchie hamming it up for the camera, and that alone makes it worth watching. It’s even worth putting up with an increasingly weird looking Haley Joel Osment. *shudder*

13. Just Married
Poor Brittany Murphy. It’s bad enough that she has to spend most of her time being the voice of Luanne on King of the Hill, but when she finally gets the chance to do a big screen feature film, what happens? Well, first of all, she gets dumped by her super hottie boyfriend and co-star, Ashton Kutcher, and then she gets upstaged by an adorable little French Bulldog.

OK, maybe we’re stretching things a little – after all, the Frenchie is only in one scene. But who cares? Other than gazing at Ashton and the Frenchie, there aren’t many other good reasons for watching this forgettable flick… It’s back to cartoon voice overs for Brittany, I’m afraid.

 

 

Bonus Fact: The same French Bulldog appeared in See Spot Run, Bringing Down the House, Second Hand Lions, The Shaggy Dog and Just Married, not to mention numerous print ads and commercials. Linus is one of the animal actors from Birds and Animals Unlimited.